The topic of parental leave becomes a big concern as soon as you’re finally pregnant.
After all, you want to spend as much time as possible with your new little family.
Unfortunately, this isn’t always made easy for many parents!
I can especially share my experiences from Germany, and many would even say that in
Germany, things are still relatively good when you have a child.
Currently, in Germany, you get 1 year of parental leave with 65% of your net salary paid.
In many other countries, it’s different. Here’s a small overview in Europe.
Country | Paid Parental Leave |
Sweden | 16 months ( 80% salary) |
Germany | 12 to 14 months (65% salary) |
France | 4 months (100% salary) |
Finland | 10.5 months (70% salary) |
Spain | 4 months (100% salary) |
Norway | 12 months (100% salary) or 14 months (80%) |
Denmark | 8 months (50% salary) |
Italy | 5 months (80% salary) |
Austria | 4 months (100% salary) |
Portugal | 4 to 5 months (100% or 80% salary) |
Netherlands | 6 months (70% salary) |
As you can see, most countries offer around 4-5 months of parental leave, usually with just one parent taking time off.
In Germany and the Netherlands, it's common for the other parent (often the father) to take just 1-3 weeks off after the birth. And that's it!
Aside from the fact that this leaves the working parent with very little time with the new family, the other parent is often left alone with a baby who needs 24/7 care.
Then there are the restless nights that come with having a baby.
And because you want to let the working partner sleep, the (often mother) ends up staying up all night.
I’ve been through this process myself, and I knew for sure that if I had another child, I wouldn’t want to experience this situation again!
I find it hard to understand how we can accept raising our children this way.
Here are a few reasons why it feels unnatural for just one person to take care of a baby/child:
Evolutionary Development: In many human communities and animal species, child-rearing was traditionally a communal task. Children grew up in groups with multiple adults – like parents, relatives, and other community members – responsible for their care and upbringing. This collective care provided safety and learning opportunities.
Social and Emotional Development of the Child: Children benefit from interacting with different caregivers, as it promotes their social and emotional development. Contact with multiple caregivers helps children form various attachments, strengthening their ability to develop trust and social skills.
Overload of the Primary Caregiver: Sole responsibility for a child can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. It’s unnatural and often unhealthy for one person to bear the entire caregiving burden, as humans are evolutionarily designed to live in groups and support each other.
However, I don't mean to blame any parent, as I know families often feel they have no other choice.
After all, they have to make a living!
During the year of parental leave I had with my daughter, I often felt alone and overwhelmed!
When my partner came home from work, he was often so exhausted that he couldn't really help with our daughter.
Certainly, there were also misaligned priorities, but that's another topic.
Moreover, the bond between her and me was naturally much stronger, making it sometimes impossible to delegate tasks to him.
But I firmly believe that we can make a change!
You might be thinking, how can one person make a difference?
By talking about it and not pretending that nothing can be changed.
You might be just one person, but by speaking up, you might find more like-minded people.
And yes, governments should support parents more! The emphasis here is on should!
Many don't, and if we always wait for external changes, often nothing happens!
You have your life in your hands and could, for example, do the following:
Reduce work hours
Solution: Family members can cut back on work hours or switch to part-time to spend more time at home.
Example: One parent could switch to a 4-day workweek or have flexible hours to have more family time.
Budget-friendly living
Solution: Cut expenses by adopting a minimalist lifestyle or mindful spending to reduce work hours and spend more time at home.
Example: Spend less on non-essential things like frequent dining out or expensive activities, and instead, invest more time in cooking together or simple family activities.
Flexible work models
Solution: Use flexible work hours or work-from-home options, if possible, to improve work-life balance.
Example: A parent could arrange with their employer to work from home or have flexible hours to better manage child care.
Plan family activities together
Solution: Plan and engage in regular family activities that include all family members.
Example: Schedule weekly family nights, take walks together, or have regular game nights where the family spends time together.
Divide household chores
Solution: Fairly distribute household tasks to ensure all family members have time for each other and aren’t overwhelmed by daily duties.
Example: Create a household plan where tasks like cooking, cleaning, and shopping are shared so everyone has more family time.
Prioritize quality over quantity
Solution: Focus on quality time together, rather than just increasing the amount of time spent.
Example: Instead of filling the calendar with activities, intentionally plan meaningful conversations, joint projects, or hobbies that enrich family life.
Schedule regular family time
Solution: Integrate regular family time into the weekly or monthly schedule to ensure the family stays connected.
Example: Plan a fixed family day each week or month where no work or extracurricular activities are scheduled, dedicating the time exclusively to family.
Reduce screen time
Solution: Limit screen time to encourage interaction and quality time together.
Example: Implement screen-free times or days when the family plays games, enjoys outdoor activities, or simply spends time together.
Especially reducing screen time and getting household support were things I wish had helped me a lot.
Always remember, you’re a team!
You made this baby together, so take care of it together.
Even if your partner might not be as experienced with a newborn! It’s their job to help with it too!
Find solutions together on how each of you can get some time off.
Here are a few examples that only take a few minutes:
Short walks
Solution: One partner takes over baby care for 10-15 minutes while the other takes a quick walk.
Example: One partner goes outside for fresh air and a brief relaxation.
Changing tasks during nap time
Solution: While the baby naps, the other partner takes on different tasks or takes a short break.
Example: One partner handles household chores during nap time while the other takes a quick rest.
Short time for hobbies or relaxation
Solution: One partner can engage in a hobby or relaxing activity for 15-30 minutes during short care periods.
Example: One partner reads, meditates, or does another relaxing activity while the other cares for the baby.
Switching tasks while cooking
Solution: During meal preparation, the other partner takes care of the baby to give the cook a short break.
Example: One partner cooks dinner while the other cares for the baby.
Quick breaks during Baby care
Solution: When the baby needs quick care (e.g., changing), the other partner takes a short break.
Example: One partner changes or feeds the baby while the other takes a brief rest in the kitchen or on the couch.
Alternate power naps
Solution: Plan short nap times during the day where one partner naps for 10-15 minutes while the other handles baby care.
Example: One partner takes a brief nap while the other cares for the baby.
Quick relaxation exercises
Solution: One partner does simple relaxation exercises or breathing techniques during short breaks while the other calms the baby.
Example: While the other partner soothes the baby, the first partner does a few minutes of yoga or breathing exercises.
Finally, remember that you and your partner are a team.
You’re the foundation of this family, and only by talking about your feelings and challenges can you find solutions together, ideally before either of you is completely exhausted.
I wish you success and a great time as a small family.
Best, Lisa
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